Knock Knock Knocking on Heavens Door

Caoimhe~Runaway Bride

I had a completely different blog planned for today. I hope Kyra Camel of Baboom will forgive me one more day. I fell in love with one of her dresses a few weeks ago and she so kindly gave it to me, so as a friend, today I am sucking on empty. I can’t help it. At times the words and thoughts in my head create a deep dark moodiness that I have a difficult time rising above. And it seems all I can do is write to get them pushed away from me. Remember? You can’t cure crazy. So if you don’t like dark, perhaps today’s blog isn’t a good bet for you and I don’t blame you for leaving. Yesterday, a 200 mile per hour 2 mile wide tornado wiped out an entire city and more specifically (to me) 2 schools, such catastrophes always makes me wonder if there even is a God.

A Doll's girl grows up and moves away.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there is a grand plan to the universe, with or without a deity. Also I know, tragic circumstances will occur, and they have some meaning or purpose. We are humans, so we will always suffer, because we are tied to “earthly things.” But it just goes to prove, the more we lessen our desire to possess others or control our fate the less we suffer (at the hands of fate). Happiness is achieved by a detachment from that which is earthly. Those who choose to live moment to moment, and love in a detached and non-possessive manner minimize the tragedies they face. Rather than constantly struggling to get what you want, try to modify your wanting. Wanting deprives us of contentment and happiness. Cold? Yes, perhaps it is a little. Is this pessimistic, or realistic? Well that’s for you to decide. After all, in the end, life is a solitary journey, don’t you want it to be defined by you?


But honestly, how in the world could this tragedy make me a better person? Perhaps if I am more open to noticing how life’s course may have changed in a positive direction, or just allowing my mind to question the purpose of the tragedy in its aftermath, well that may be the best I can do, especially at first. The statement that hindsight is 20/20 seems to be the first step to be applied to attempting to construct meaning from horrible circumstances. As life continues, your hindsight allows you to find your own patterns and realize that even though these circumstances were never what you wanted, or could even have controlled, they still may have positive consequences. If it is not so right now, at least possibly it can be in the future.


Take from? Actually no, not really. I’m just trying to make sense in my own head a terrible tragedy. Do I feel better? Naw, not a single bit, other than I got all this pollution of words out of my head. I just hope I can make something positive grow from this negative event. Even if its just to change my own outlook a little. To remind myself to carry softly those I love, to always be gentle with those I do not love because everyone’s life leaves footprints on the hearts of others. It’s up to us whether our footprints will be seen as a blessing or a curse. Just a little high-gravity today, probably not worth the time it took to read it. But don’t worry, the Second Life Cao will be back tomorrow. I promise.

24 thoughts on “Knock Knock Knocking on Heavens Door

  1. My heart goes out to the people of Oklahoma as well. I think you hit it on the nail. Even though we all wish such tragedies didn’t serve as such, they are sometimes a reminder to not take anything for granted, especially those we hold dear. Thanks for sharing your thoughts so openly.

    Be kind to yourself.

  2. This, “To remind myself to carry softly those I love, to always be gentle with those I do not love because everyone’s life leaves footprints on the hearts of others.” we should all learn. You are beautiful even on dark days, Cao. Thank you.

  3. The Tragedy in Oklahoma should remind us all just how fleeting life can be. I cry inside for the children.. I am pained that anyone was ripped from the world in a matter of minutes, But for me Children are always the hardest loses to suffer. Call the ones you love, Hug the ones close to you and if you are estranged from those you love because of what seemed like the most valid of reasons, Change it, someday you will run out of chances too..

    Beautiful styling and words Cao, I look forward to seeing your blog, even today 😦 Blessed be Spirit

  4. Cao, these are the most lovely photographs I have ever seen you create. From your pain you have created beauty. It doesn’t lessen the tragedy, but you have given us a glimpse not only of your huge heart, but the depth your soul.

  5. step by step
    I traced backwards
    My life in question
    What would I like to change?
    “Anything” was my dear friend’s suggestion

    I hit a firewall right at start
    I’m going through a bad patch
    Currently, you see!
    So I let my mind wander
    Dig in the past, random
    Moments of joy, mind reported
    Are bleak and unworthy
    But not the times
    I sunk low
    Apparently morbid
    Can I get a drink please?
    Thank you dear
    Stuff I wish never happened to me
    So many, which one do I pick?
    But consider this, if I change anyone
    Alters following events in my life
    There’ll be new memories
    “Stop” screamed my heart
    “I’m hurt too much for new hurts…
    Give it up, just let it be
    We’ll be fine…Have faith
    I got you and you got me”

      1. this one would be hard to do a picture for, I am a “one” and I think to greatly produce it would need a “we” But I will think if there is a way, if not, I certainly will do a picture for one of your poems

      2. No. It’s a new poem but than I was thinking would it possible for you to give your picture to use on my blog?
        I’ll send you the poem if it sounds okay but don’t bother if it’s going out of the way. Just a poem.

      3. Honor to me. That feels awesome. To collaborate with you will be unique. I’ve never done anything like this before. So what do I do next? Should I send you the poem to read? here?

      4. 😀
        Now I’d like to sleep. What a feelin’ and I can’t stop running my fingers over my nose.
        Tomorrow then. I’ll wait to hear from you!!

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