I don’t really understand my commitment phobia, I honestly don’t. But I know many of us grow up in families in which there’s anxiety. Whether it’s the anxiety to disappoint a parent or just a parent’s inability to relate to their children, well those are mine, I am sure others grew up with different pressures. With this fear of failing in a relationship how can it not lead to my poor communication skills in romantic courtships? My self-doubts, worries and insecurities would leave the most stalwart of men running for the door. It actually has, quite recently.
I mean think about it, our ideas about what adults behave like and what adult relationships look like were shaped by our parents, our first teachers. It’s not that I would want to marry someone like dad, it’s just I’m scared that I will. All of those internalized messages, patterns, and behaviors I’ve kept buried in me for so long, what if they resurface suddenly? Wouldn’t I be doomed to live the marriage my parents have? Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing “wrong” with their marriage, it just seems a bit stale. I mean, I’m not pointing my finger at my mom or dad for screwing up my relationships, it’s just who wants to wake up one day and see a guy who suspiciously resembles their father lying next to them? So I am slow on the uptake in relationships, I am more cautious than most, does that make me a bad person? No, not really.
The take from? Sure. In every relationship the two parties each have their own agenda of what they want from the relationship. Don’t always assume what you want is what the other person does. Be patient and gently feel your way around each other and sometimes without even knowing it, you will realize you’ve been in the right relationship all along. I am a firm believer, love doesn’t fall hard, love comes softly on gossamer wings. We just have to learn to hold one another’s likeness and differences with kindness. Only then will we know how our souls will fit for life.
Hairs: Madesigns, Tosca (edited)
Necklace: Kungler’s, Khloris **NEW**
Earrings: Kunglers, Ipomoea
Jacket/Voile skirt: AD Creations Dollhouse, Labile Papavero
shirt: Maitreya, Bastille top (partial)
Pants: Leezu!, Glitter Pants
Makeup: Mons <33