I’ve just had one of “those” weekends. You know the kind, you give, and give and give and by Sunday you are thinking, where the ‘ell was MY time over the weekend? It’s really gets me to thinking; about life, love, family, friends, and me, my needs and goals. I know soon, before either relationship gets serious, I need to make a decision between Taylor and Jay, but before I do that, I need to make a decision of the familial nature. Because I don’t want to make this decision because I hear my mum whispering in my ear, “but honey, Taylor is a doctor,” or “Jay’s about your age and more likely to want children” or any of the other myriad of suggestions she throws at me during a week. I love her to bits, but I truly think since I am the only one within hollering distance, she feels if no one else will micromanage me, she needs to. I get it, I have been letting my sisters and my parents run my life and at times I feel powerless to do anything about it because of my fathers dementia. But, well that requires my help TO them, not for THEM a license to make life decisions for me.
So, why do I need to stop this current cycle? Because I need to regain my adult independence. Being an adult means gaining independence from your parents and setting the terms for your own life. Choosing to live my life according to my parents, friends, or relatives values over my own damages my independence and self-esteem. It also keeps me from focusing on the two new dating relationships I am in, so I can make a more grounded decision on which person I feel a potential budding love life with. I may be a bit socially awkward and shy at times, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t find “the one.” Right?
Take from? If you are starting to feel like you are drowning in the needs of others, start by protecting your privacy & setting respectful boundaries with the catalyst of the feelings. You are not a small child, indentured servant or the vehicle for anyone to relive their own dreams and youth. Just because someone wished they had done something differently doesn’t mean they get to force you into those shoos, they may not fit you. Develop your skills in communication to clearly, tactfully and assertively set loving and firm boundaries with them. Because if you go through life trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings, you are guaranteed to hurt your self and as a consequence feel resentful toward the creator of the rift. Such healthy boundaries are essential, especially in cases where the ‘others’ are critical or abusive. (my parents aren’t, but I have been in that relationship once) Just remember, your life, your time, and your choices belong to you. At least that’s what I’m thinking today, who knows tomorrow when I have to face down that little five foot bundle with too much energy and a stink eye that will drop the strongest man to his knees. But you get what I’m saying.