Hooliganism, Tomfoolery and Letting Life Be.

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A friend of mine is going through a tough space and I thought a lot about her last night and this is what I came up with. When we develop friendships with people who allow us to be ourselves, the good ones allow space for us to grow; even when we come to them with our life learned prejudices, resentments, and disappointments. They say to us through their words or actions, “You are accepted here and you can stay as long as you need. I will not love you less.” But how about when the people we love, who have been taught right versus wrong, venture away and engage in irresponsible behavior? What do we do then? I think perhaps its best to step back and look from a different angle. What if they are not acting rebellious but are simply testing the waters of life, trying to validate or invalidate what they have been taught. Of course our first knee-jerk reaction is to stop them; we love them and don’t want them to see additional pain. But think about it, if it was you being defiant, would you want to feel controlled with a finger waggling in the face, or would that just make you leap farther?

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Sometimes what we may feel is rebellious, willful, and hard-hearted behavior, might actually be the tests in life, growing pains, and sufferings that ultimately form them into the adult person they are destined to become. Shoot, I suppose at times, my mum thinks I am the poster child for willful disobedience. Not intentionally, I’ve just always found I learn a lesson strongest when I am living it, not when it’s being told to me how to avoid the pitfall before the lesson is learned. And the best part is, having endured the suffering forms a mind muscle memory that leads me to avoid such actions again. Don’t get me wrong, reliving hardships still befall me at times, (deja doodoo, I think I’ve been through this crap before) but usually a niggling gut reaction reminds me I’ve wandered that slippery slope before and I back away before I relive past mistakes. Somehow it seems necessary, and honestly, OK, for me to “learn the hard way” because I needed to fall to gain strength and perhaps a little bit of wisdom too.

Take from? We all, at times, suffer from acts of hooliganism and tomfoolery, so our gut reaction is to protect those around us from repeating our mistakes. But if you truly love this erring person, let life be, learn not to judge the choices of their hearts. The best we can do is await them at the bottom of Blockhead Hill to catch them if or when they fall. The best part is, by letting a person learn and grow on their own, by their own means, it somehow enriches the relationship because the loved one appreciates that no matter how bad they flub up, you won’t stop them from making the mistake, but you sure will be there to help them pick the pieces back up.