I haven’t been to my parents house in a few weeks. Actually, not since I stayed over the weekend the last week in August so my mum could get away for a few nights at the beach. Like little children, at times, they exhaust me. My mum especially. But, well, dutiful daughter and all, I know I will have to spend some time with them this weekend. My mom just makes me crazy is all. She’s still hiding bridal magazines in obvious places here and there, dropping hints like hand grenades as the day wears on. I half think she’s the reason I’ve never wanted to get married. It’s hard to explain, I’ve just had a lifetime of mom-isms at this point and it’s going to take a very special fellow to put up with both me AND my mum.
How can a five foot nothing bundle of energy instill such terror in mere mortals you ask? ‘Ell if I know, but I do know when she threatens the stinkeye, she has me running for cover. Don’t get me wrong, other than my more obvious neurotic moments, she’s done a stand up job with raising me. Always reminding me of the important things like “don’t change boyfriends like you change shirts,” and “girls shouldn’t fight in the morning because it messes up their hair for the rest of the day. If you get in a fight, do it in the afternoon so you’re hair doesn’t look like hell all day” Heck, on most days she was even concerned for my well-being, always warning to not stand to close to the TV or I’d go blind and to leave the kitchen when the microwave was on so I wouldn’t get radiation poisoning. Hey, I can’t make this crap up. The last time we were talking she was going on and on how I needed to settle down with one man, which as you know, isn’t high on my “Cao’s todo” list, and she actually looked me in the eye and said, “Cao, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” I paused a second and replied, “Um, mum. Doesn’t that kind of agree with MY point?” to which she answered, “well, you know what I mean, the other way around then. I always mix those sayings up.”
Take from? Moms? We all have them in some form or another, just be thankful you probably have one more normal than mine. No, I mean just be thankful for them, because good or bad they mean well. Well most of them do. I know, you are thinking what I terrible daughter I am about now. But I’m feeling ungrateful. Last night when I called to check up on my mum and dad I casually mentioned there was something I had been meaning to tell her, “I’ve been blogging for about two years now,” to which she replied “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I answered,”well mom, I kinda blog yucky stuff like the time I gave my vibrator to Good Will by accident and other weird stuff like my sex life.” to which, without missing a beat she shot back, “How do you blog that? You don’t have one.” Seems even moms have to be the comedian. Y’all have a great weekend!