Spandex and Dental Floss

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” ~ Erma Bombeck

Every year about this time of year I do my once a year shopping for a bathing suit.

To me, living in Florida, especially living on the beach, make owning a decent bathing suit required equipment. I can’t help it, at times it’s just too plain hot and humid for regular clothes. But, of course, I digress. I always start to look for bathing suits now because in case you haven’t checked lately, they can be quite pricy at the beginning of the summer and the sales begin around now. Since my “equipment shopping” is a necessity of location, I should have held hallow the knowledge that it’s probably an annual event I should partake of while alone. Sadly, this year I did not. I had Dr. Ben with me. As we were wandering about the surf shop, he happens upon a mannequin wearing, I suppose technically you’d call it a bikini, but from my perspective it looked little more than a patch of cloth held together with dental floss. Looking at it, then at me he says, ““You’d look great in that! You want to try it on?” Thinking he’s lost is ever loving mind I answered, “Look at the mannequin, now look at me, do I look like I could possibly even get it on?” To which he responded, “I’m sure they come in bigger sizes.” You kind of have to feel sorry for a man who makes the error of saying THAT to his girlfriend. I let him live in his fool’s paradise and sadly, I found it in my size.

The bottoms are a thong, so living the latter slide to midlife I know this outfit is going to look like ‘ell to anyone other than a pre-pubescent teenage girl with bony hips. But then there is the added insult of the top. Two sparkly triangles held together by said dental floss, with no support for anything more than breasts the size of a walnut. Did I mention the pre-pubescent detail anywhere in this? Because I may be small by all standards, but to be honest, me, in this top, I think a small sneeze would lead to a wardrobe malfunction that would land me on the opening reel of some “Girl’s Gone Bad” video out there in cyber-space. Dr. Ben, always the hopeful sort says, “Come out and let me see, I know you look hot!” I thought about it a minute and then realized if this store caught fire right this second and this was all I had to wear out of this dressing room, I’d go down in flames with the building before I’d walk out of here.

The take from? Yeah, it’s here. Note to self; Dear Self, Never take a man on a crucial annual ritual shopping trip. Ever. Oh! And that oversized pair of sweat pants and floppy tee-shirt I ended up buying instead work really well when you decide to drown your sorrows in a pint of double chocolate moose tracks ice cream with a bottle of red wine. The real take from?  Getting old can be ‘ell. But that’s just my spin on it. Hey, I can’t possibly make this chit up, so it must be true.

 

Outfit:

Hair: Dura, BOY52,  **NEW** (love this! my new fave hairs! <3)

Dress: Baboom, Alegra  **NEW**  ❤

Earrings: ieQED, Arraw

Bracelet: [Mandala], Billionaire  **Collabor88**

Shoos: Essenx, Malaga  **Rock Your Rack**  COMING SEPTEMBER 1st!

Bag: 1992, Spiked Bag **La Metallique**

Skin: Glam Affair, Rose

Hands/Feet: SLink

Ears: [Mandala]