Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. ~P. J. O’Rourke
I was going to be original and pithy and charming today, I know a rare trait as of late, but they’ve been dickering with the florescent lighting (i.e. replacing the one’s that are out) and I think I am coming down with a migraine. And for a person who has only had one in their lifetime that’s saying quite a bit about things, yeah, I need to go live under a mushroom for a little bit. Because of this I am going to do a little bit of a re-blog, I’ve a friend who needs to read this. The reason we all find relationships so painful and difficult at times is because they are perfect vehicles for living out negative feelings we’ve carried with us since childhood. As much as we may love our partners, we are conditioned to project our negative self-image and unresolved pain onto them. Our defenses, which we developed to deal with childhood pain and trauma, are not just a factor in how our relationships play out, but also influence our choices of whom to be in a relationship with. Nothing sucks the life out of the dynamics of a relationship faster than an imbalance of confidence. If you can’t feel good about yourself without a guy, then you can be darn sure this lack of confidence is going to suck the life right out of anything the two of you have. In a relationship, whether its a lover or even just a friend, when one person has to constantly affirm the other’s self-doubts it’s exhausting. No one is stable enough to act as a bottomless bank account of confidence for you. Sooner or later, if you are depositing too much of your self-doubt into a relationship, the partner/friend is going to grow resentful and end it. The best we can do in life, is help ourselves, because face it, no man defines who YOU are. Only you can do that, and until you have a solid and sturdy self who happens to like themselves, no relationship you’re in will reach it’s full potential.
Fortunately, confidence is not something you are either born with or denied; with a little focus it’s a quality that’s available to all of us, and is never completely dependent on a romantic relationship or any relationship to flourish. If your relationships keep ending in pain, perhaps you should take a step back and examine your part in the pairing. If you find you just can’t live without a “we” maybe you need to define a very clear, mature and happy “I” first, because only then will a “we” be available to you. Well, at least, that’s my take on it and I’ve been known for a lot of self doubt and introspective speculation. But, take it for whatever it means to you, even if it’s not that much.
Headpiece: Bliensen & MaiTai, Soleil crown @2015 Fantasy Faire
Hair: Argrace, Seri **NEW**
Dress: *LpD*, Kate @Shiny Shabby Event
Hair: Tableau Vivant, Sharilyn
Dress: *LpD*, Nadine **NEW** (in store)
Shoo: Bliensen & MaiTai, Soleil crown @2015 Fantasy Faire
Pose: Dream Print
22 thoughts on “Oh, It’s that Little Thing You Do.”
Migraine… ouch. Keep your feet warm… it helps x
I never knew that! Thanks Sue 🙂 xo
Dd you ever read the short story Yellow Wallpaper? Your quote made me think of that. Is there room in that mushroom of yours for two?
No, I’ve not read it but wrote it down to find it and read it. *scootchies over to make room for Viv* (I have to wait until I’m out from under this massive firewall to read your blog and it’s keeling me to wait!!!) I always have to be scared you are going to unpublish it before I get there, yanno?
Yellow Wallpaper is about a woman who goes insane looking at her yellow wallpaper. No unpublishing for me, I’ve only done that a couple of times! Although I wrote a really stupid post about my cat walking over my face and WP won’t seem to publish it. WTF? Sending digital hugs and kisses.
Hey! I liked that wallpaper when I first bought it!! As to the unpublishing, then you’ve been slacking missy! Git out there and do a little toasted blogging! It’s the pip! PS. yeah, WP is a real stickler about kitty porn and censorship. 😉
Some days I simply marvel at your ability to distill an idea or thought, down to the true essence of the thing. Today for me it was this ” In a relationship, whether its a lover or even just a friend, when one person has to constantly affirm the other’s self-doubts it’s exhausting.” I am going to go ponder what I can do in conversations with my little circle of friends to foster an environment with a good balance regarding that topic. I’ve never been good at determining when supportive leads to enablement. Hopefully, when I am on the ‘giving end’, keeping this thought in my mind will lead me to more brief when I feel whiny. I live on a two way street. 🙂
As always Cao, thank you for the brainworm! 🙂
😀 Thank you! I think tho, it’s expected for this to be a give in take, if you can’t groan to your friends, who can you “groan” about life to? I think we all have “that” friend though. You know the one, no matter whats happening in your life theirs is just a little bit worse, or they always need to be told how “choose adjective” they are? Anyway, I just love that you even stop by to see me Eleanor, you are a grand person and a good friend 🙂
Once again your words found a place to nestle in my mind. Thanks for helping me sort out my own jumbled tangle of thoughts on this very subject.
I am so happy it helped! I’ve not been talking much lately because I’ve felt like I have nothing relevant to say, so your words make me feel really happy :)) Have a great week, Kerena! 😀
Love the styling and that headpiece.. so have to go look for it. Your words hit home too.
Have you been to Fantasy Faire yet? It’s got some really cool finds this year! 😀
No. It made me lag very badly when I attempted, but I plan to before it’s over.
me too! This was given to me, but on other peoples blogs I’ve seen really kick arse items. 😀 They even have a Caoimhe outfit! /
In any relationship there will always be moments of imbalance, it’s a given since it involves the inter dynamics of the other. What prevents it from falling apart like pieces in a puzzle is the foundation that has been established – the perimeters. These are built over time…and once in place they can handle the knocks and pulls of self absorbed angst.
I stay away from SL partnering (intimacies) because without the fullness our all our senses and physicality – it is just a mirroring of assumptions and self actualization of the imaged. A din so to speak of our own desires, fantasies and dreams.
Very true Miya, I think I was just thinking of the friend who constantly needs validation. (CONSTANTLY)! ! I once had a virtual friend like this, every time I logged in it was the same stuff and finally I just quit logging in.. But totally agree, I don’t “date” in SL either, never have, I am not an overly trusting person to begin with and honestly, it’s not truly a date when can’t even go somewhere or hold hands. You can learn a lot about a person in how they drive, open doors, treat others.. I’ve seen too many people really hurt by SL relationships, tho I have seen a few who made it work and even got married in real life. I’m just not one of the people who could ever do that.
Unique designs .Thank you for visiting my blog.Best wishes.
best wishes 😀
Loved it all but specially the first dress because it reminds me of one I had at 15. I actually had 2 and they made me feel so fairy feminine ! xoxo
you are adorable Landa, I ❤ You soooOOooo much!