“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” ~ Mary Oliver
There are seldom moments as painful as the blinding punch in the gut that signifies the end of a relationship. It leaves you bereft, battered, and more times than not with very little self-esteem left. Falling in love is one of the most enlivening experiences in our life. It’s risky and addictive for sure, and for most of us it’s most blissful effects wear off too fast. But nature has given us this wonderful state of foolish, invincible, chemical-induced charm, and it reminds us that life is for the living, if we would just take the moment to breathe it in. But when we relax in the relationship, our less than stellar behavior patterns peek through and that’s when the arguing starts.
Sadly, the more we argue and the more we react from our ego wounded self, the more out of touch we become with our own true self, our soul, and the soul of our partner. You fell in love with each other’s essence, not with each other’s ego, especially this shrewish lashing wounded ego. In fact, most of us don’t like another person’s ego when it’s acting all irrational. Go figure. We learn to tolerate another person’s flaws, which is essential for a loving relationship, but what we like and love is that intangible “self-soul” found deep within the person. When it’s about ego, where once you felt deeply connected with your partner, now emotional and sexual disconnection may become the norm. Eventually you choose to either settle for a flat relationship or you move on, often cycling through the love to hate all over again with the next “love”. Because think about it, by the time most people hit splitsville, they actually hate each other because they can no longer see the inner self, the soul they fell in love with, they only see that shrieking shrew or that controlling arsehole we’ve spiraled down to.
How to not fall out of love? It’s a challenge but certainly possible, look at all the successful relationships around you. The way to fall in love and stay in love with someone is to take your snarky ego off your partner and place it firmly on yourself. Learn to take personal responsibility for your own feelings; they are after all, yours not theirs. And only through inner bonding and loving yourself are you capable of loving another. Because you have to “have” love for self before you can bring that love to someone else. Sure, who am I to even talk about this stuff, right? I’m probably not qualified, I’m just that person whose motto is “you are OK, but I am OK too.” But I wrote it and put it up here, so I think I will re-read it as a reminder to myself. You can just stroll on down to those cred’s. See? I’m kinda easy like that.
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Ear Worm:
an chailín álainn 
Well, I can’t imagine who would not love you?? What are they silly? Have they lost their mind? Whose the bestest lil Cao around?..You are! * passes her a bowl of caramel fudge ice cream and a spoon* Time for dessert! 🙂
Mmmmmmmm!! You always know how to make me smile! *digs in*
Scent of reality in your words .You are a lady with class.Thank you so much for liking my post.Best regards.
Thank you fine sir! Kind regards!
Maybe we expect too much from a relationship. We think, somehow that those tingly delicious feeling will last forever, not remembering that nothing lasts forever but what we have might just be worth putting out a little more time and feeling into it. You could be like me, with someone that does not even remember my name. Life is not always easy but we must to our best to get through it. There are sparkles of joy all around though sometimes we just can not see them. I love your posts. Please don’t stop.
So very wise and true Kaciee. Thank you! xo
Hope you are not speaking of your own relationship like with a certain Doctor. For me sadly I have become a true cynic and expect nothing from most people and therefore I am rarely disappointed, imagine my joy when a rare gem such as yourself comes along to show me there actually are fun fearless and inspirational people out there, I always love reading your blog lil moo, no matter the content. I don’t even try to have relationships at this point as I am going through and extended selfish phase and it simply must be all about me,me,me for now. Hopefully someday I will get there again, but for now I am just not ready to do the work and share that much of myself in order to make a relationship not only happen but sustain as well ………………………Love you dollface
No, no new news about the Doc, rollin on. I’ve missed you Spirit, but I am happy this is your time for you. To learn, to live, and to love, even if it is rather most importantly actually, a love for self. Find some time in your day to breathe darling one. Love you right back. ❤
Here’s one for you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1oLU4FAq8E
*dances around my desk* That brought me a huge HUGE smile Doug, I found “the Big Chill” on youtube and I am keepin’ on keepin’ on. Cuz you make me feel, cuz you make me feel, like a natural woman.
So true Gator friend. First inner peace, then the ability to empathize on the same level as your partner. Then finding a partner who swings from the same side. The giver taker divide is key here. Become a giver, date and relate to another giver. Leave the takers alone. All alone. The dang world has become overrun with narcissists. Avoid at all costs. They don’t have relationships, they use people, and when the usage runs dry, the others run away broken, or often is the case, the self centered energy sappers break the givers out of spite. You can’t train these taker types either. They’re not going to change, so if you’re in a relationship with someone like that, GET OUT on your own steam while you still have your ego somewhat intact.
So very true, just so very true. Thank you Doug 😀 oh! And go gators! Work them dawgs silly!