Well I once again survived babysitting, personally my hats off to all those who can keep up with their children because at times over the weekend, I found myself
cowering searching diligently in the closet for a white flag to raise. But for now, I’m baccccck. I always want to be a better person today than I was yesterday and this goes with dating as well. I have to admit, choking on the ice only to spit it squarely onto Taylor’s salad a month ago was but a mild mistake in the entire novella of Lil Cao’s on the dating scene. I can’t help it, I’m socially awkward on the best of dates and having been in the dating pool for so long, you have to kind of wonder if “There’s Something about Cao.” Heck, first time I saw the movie “There’s Something about Mary” I had the sinking suspicion someone had been peeking in my windows and taking notes.
Don’t get me wrong, not all dates are bad because of me, ‘ell I hear there is a rumor about town that I am worth the dating experience just for the laughs on most days. But you have to remember, a few of the dates, okay honestly? A LOT of my dates have been blind ones. And not the seeing eye dog kind. Heck, I’ve been on this kind of date so many times, I should be given the dog for free. What can I say? I’m shy, and have a mother with a ticking biological gramma clock, a brother who doesn’t want to take care of me in my old age and lots of coupled girlfriends. I have the triple whammy and not enough good sense to stand up with Nancy Reagan and just say no.
Honestly? Some of the dates were so awful, I’d slink off to the bathroom looking for a window to crawl out of. When there’s no bathroom? I’ve come up with a few solutions and I’ve kind of become an expert on the topic. If you’ve read me enough, you know I often say “no man is an island,” but on this kind of sinking date I suggest the opposite. Imagine yourself on a deserted island. I mean, even Tom Hanks was able to talk to a volleyball for, I don’t know, an hour and 40 minutes once. You can too! But if he chews with his mouth open, he’s going to be one flat volleyball when I bring out my spork. Do you want another of Cao’s resourceful tried and true solutions? Drink copious amounts of alcohol. Well, just enough to see life in a pink rosy shade, and no more, because everyone knows what happens when you get your beer goggles on. To be honest, I have so many of these. But it’s a Monday, so I will keep it mostly low gravity and just give one more. Short of being honest, “It’s not me, it’s totally, totally you” because hey, that’s hateful. The last thing I do is write the story in my head. Think about it, there’s no need to resent the guy, he’s just being himself, and he’s just not the one for you. And to you, this story may be excruciatingly painful right now, but it could be the hilarious fodder for “Tales of Men” at many a girls night out’s for years to come. You know the ones, “you remember the time you set me up with so and so..”
The take from? There are lots of potential bad dates out there, but on the other hand, it only takes one good date with the right guy to make a partnered life. In the words of the Saudi Arabian proverb, “If you stop every time a dog barks, your road will never end.” Once the date is done, don’t stop and reflect, don’t even look back. Because the funny thing is by not focusing on all the negatives and highlighting all the funny moments of the date, it kind of gives the evening a modicum of success. You know, sort of like spending time with the aunt whose boring, smells funny and tweaks your cheek all the time. She’s not that fun, but she’s necessary to be endured because she has a moment in your life to teach you something, even if its just that when you get old, don’t tweak cheeks. In some way, those dates were the same way. Well thats my take on everything anyway, take it for what it’s worth to you. Have a low gravity Monday, and I’m feeling so nice, I even included the bright and shiny new LM to Leezu! I’m kinda nice that way. Taxi: